Celebrities and surrogacy

Lily Collins with her daughter, Tove, who was born through surrogacy

We need to change the narrative around surrogacy

A little over a week ago, Emily in Paris actress Lily Collins and her husband Charlie McDowell announced the birth of their daughter, Tove, born via surrogacy. Usually, these stories make headlines for a day or two and then they disappear (there is a lot going on at the moment!) But this story got a lot more traction because her husband, likely perturbed by the negative and inaccurate comments that always seem to swirl around celebrity surrogacy stories, decided to take a stance. 

"In regards to the unkind messages about surrogacy and our path to having a baby—it’s ok to not be an expert on surrogacy. It’s ok to not know why someone might need a surrogate to have a child. It’s ok to not know the motivations of a surrogate regardless of what you assume. And it’s ok to spend less time spewing hateful words into the world, especially in regards to a beautiful baby girl who has brought a lot of love into people’s lives," he wrote on Instagram. 

It was significant that her husband made these comments because too often celebrities don't push back on the surrogacy debate. They do their People magazine spreads, mention their surrogate in passing, and that is pretty much it. Not many--save Andy Cohen who helped draw attention to the Child-Parent Security Act in New York State in 2021--actually engage and advocate on behalf of surrogacy. They have proverbial big megaphones and could help educate the public more on the nuances around surrogacy. But they mostly don't.  It's a shame, and a missed opportunity. 

Another shame is that these stories reinforce the tired trope that it's seemingly only Hollywood starlets and Silicon Valley tech bros who use surrogacy to expand their families. However, actually the vast majority of people who grow their families through surrogacy are everyday people who more often than not have had to scrimp and save in order to afford the IVF treatments and surrogacy costs. 

Fertility healthcare should be equitable, but it's not, yet. A number of grassroots advocacy groups across the U.S. are working to ensure insurance coverage for fertility health care. Only 22 states have taken some action to provide access to this health care, and those laws vary widely. You shouldn't have to be a celebrity or a multi-millionaire to be able to afford to grow your family.  It should be an option for anyone who needs it, from same sex couples to single people, those with infertility–which is one in six globally– and those who have underlying health issues that prevent them from carrying a pregnancy. 

We need to change the narrative around surrogacy--the arguments that those against surrogacy make are old and, in relation to surrogacy in the U.S., largely inaccurate and outdated as more research comes out about who surrogates are and their motivations for carrying a pregnancy for someone else. And we also need to listen to the children born through surrogacy.  They are the ones who never get asked their feelings on it, yet they are the only ones with lived experience. The University of Cambridge in England has done the world's only longitudinal study—over 20 years in the making-- related to how children born through the practice feel about it. 

And the overall takeaway? To quote The Who, the kids are alright. “It just turned out to not be true, the things that people were predicting about the angst that these children would be suffering in adolescence,” said lead researcher Dr. Susan Golombok said in an interview in Elusive Mommyhood: An investigative reporter's personal journey into IVF and surrogacy. “It just wasn’t a big deal to them.” So maybe we need to take the lead from children on this and move on from how in the past we have framed conversations around surrogacy.  

Oh, and congrats Lily and Charlie on the birth of your daughter.