Parental Leave: An American Disgrace
Kevin O’Neill (left) and his husband Eric Portenga with their identical triplet daughters born via surrogacy
As a Scotsman who has been living in the United States for almost six years, I still enjoy the cultural and linguistic differences between the two countries. I continue to call the sidewalk the pavement, the elevator the lift, the freeway the motorway and ketchup, tomato sauce. I choose American optimism over British pessimism. I fancy the massive range of cultures and diversity that surrounds me, and I certainly prefer the four distinct Michigan seasons as opposed to four seasons in one day like I grew up with back home.
Conversely, when you look past the glossy sheen that America typically has in the eyes of Europeans, there are some fundamental differences between the U.K. and the U.S. that I will never understand. The list is actually scarily long but those at the top include gun control/violence; abortion legislation; gerrymandering, actually the whole political landscape; trans rights; imbalances in the Supreme Court; and student debt management. However, after my recent experience of becoming a father through surrogacy, I got to see the inner workings of the American healthcare system and found it securely has its place in my list.
In something as multifaceted as surrogacy, navigating the vast amount of online resources is intimidating to say the least. When you finally conquer that mountain, and unexpectedly end up with identical triplets, reflecting back on the process is rewarding, but humbling. As we took a breath to get over the massive complexities involved in fertility and surrogacy—coupled with the shock, thrill, excitement and exhaustion of becoming a new parents— we then discovered another mountain to be scaled: childcare, work commitments and maternity/paternity leave.
The United States is the only wealthy country in the world that has no guaranteed paid parental leave at the national level. That is zero weeks and zero dollars. The Democrats push to mandate paid leave fails time and time again. Offering paternity leave to fathers seems inconsistent across employers and state lines. Sure your job may be protected under the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) but how does that help low income or even middle class families or those who are single parents? My husband and I are fortunate to have good jobs and employers who, to an extent, have more family friendly maternity and paternity leave than the norm. But six weeks for maternity and six weeks for paternity is still far too short. As any parent will tell you, it goes past in the blink of an eye.
If we had not moved overseas in 2016, my previous U.K. employer offered six months fully paid paternity leave, partly funded by government. If my husband’s employer offered the same, we could have taken a year off between us. Even more, employers give generous flexibility around scheduling this leave. It is commonplace for new parents to take a year off work and no one bats an eyelid. Sounds a good deal, right? Well compared to Sweden it is not. Sweden offers480 paid days leave for new parents. That is two years. Let that one sink in. Yet here we are in America scrapping together resources to get six weeks.
As a gay dad, I wasn’t entitled to maternity leave as my body didn’t go through the enormous journey of pregnancy and labor. That’s fair enough. But I did become dad to three 35-week-old premature babies. They spent 15 days in intensive care, which was half of my paternity leave. When they came home they were still tiny 4lb bundles of pure love, requiring round the clock feeds every three hours. This lasted until around three months. Now, isn’t the whole point of paternity leave to bond with your baby(ies)? But how was I able to do that in the NICU when they were in incubators or when they came home and they would barely open their eyes during the first month of life as they were still developing?
I realize I may be hoping for too much here when even basic family leave is not paid nor provided, but if it were to be, it also cannot be a one size fits all approach. Why should a parent who has had multiples not get extra time off? Why should a parent who has suffered a miscarriage not get paid time off covered by maternity pay? Why can America not be the leader it always aspires to be in policies that are universally fair? Government and employers need to do better.
Since the pandemic, businesses have shown they can pivot quickly to make things happen. They can save huge amounts of money by having flexible work options and make considerable cost savings. Why can’t they invest in more family friendly policies around family leave to make employees happier and feel more secure at work when starting a family? Sadly, it is a question that continues to remain unanswered. It’s not a partisan issue—as, of course, people from all walks of life, politics, religions, ethnicities and sexualities have families. You’d think it would be one thing we could all agree on.
--Kevin O’Neill is chief administrator of the University of Michigan’s Women’s and Gender Studies department.